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Glenn Martin, DDS
on Nickelodeon
Episode Summary
WARNING: GRAPHIC CONTENT
Cyma Zarghami must be so
proud. One would think that the president of children’s network Nickelodeon,
working in partnership with former Disney CEO Michael Eisner, would be able to
provide high-quality programming appropriate for children devoid of crass sexual
remarks.
But one would be wrong. Last
Friday night, the kid’s network featured a young girl learning about her
ancestor’s employment as a prostitute. For this reason, the July 9th
episode of Nickelodeon’s Glenn Martin DDS (10:30 p.m. ET) is the
Worst Cable TV Show of the Week.
The insipid episode opens
with Martin wife Jackie setting out to convince her daughter Courtney that their
female ancestors were “strong women.” Doing research, she uncovers evidence that
an ancestor in Salem, Massachusetts, Goody Price, was burned as a witch. But
Courtney’s skeptical friend Wendy investigates the ancestral home, after hearing
tales that in Goody’s day “moans” were heard coming from the house, and that
everyone who entered it left with a mysterious rash. Entering a secret room,
Wendy shows Jackie what she has found: a chamber with a huge bed, various whips
scattered about, and a sign reading:
Goody Price's House of Ill
Repute
Services Offered:
Deflower the Mayflower…...5
pence
Butterchurn Blast………...10
pence
Puritan Schoolgirl…………20
pence
Wendy crows in triumph,
“Your ancestor wasn't a witch -- she was a prostitute!”
Later, Courtney gives a
speech in honor of Goody Price, still thinking she was a witch.
Courtney: “Goody Price
should not have gotten in trouble just for doing a few tricks. She bent over
backwards for this town.”
Ultimately, Jackie learns
that Goody Price is still alive and questions her:
Jackie: “Are you a witch or
a hooker?”
Goody: “Why can't a powerful
woman be both?”
Jackie: “Right on, sister!”
“Why can’t a powerful woman
be a hooker?” What a beautiful lesson Cyma and Eisner are providing for young
girls in Nickelodeon’s child-filled audience!
Naturally, this episode was
rated TV-PG, and included much more gratuitous content (including multiple
gratuitous slams at the Kennedy family). But parents can rest secure in the
knowledge that Nickelodeon is holding up prostitution as female empowerment for
young girls.
For crassly sexualizing
young girls, Glenn Martin, DDS is the Worst Cable TV Show of the
Week.
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