Like hope, stupidity apparently springs eternal; and just as apparently, MTV is devoted to not only proving it, but encouraging it in others. What other rationale could there be for the former “Music Television” now turned brainless teenage reality show channel’s current spate of programming? Exhibit one in evidence that MTV glorifies the mindless and dangerous: The Dudesons in America (Thursdays, 10:00 p.m. ET), the Worst Cable TV Show of the Week.  

After a pre-credits teaser involving standing cars on end, driving another car into them, and hoping the driver escapes the impact, fiery explosions and falling wrecked automobiles, the fatalistic Finnish foursome devote the episode to an interest in America’s space program. After footage of Jarppi clowning around in a genuine space suit and watching a shuttle launch, the Dudes announce that they are going to “build our own rocket and fly where no man has gone before – Uranus!” This play on the words “your anus” has amused those mentally stuck in puberty for decades, and the Dudesons prove no exception, endlessly repeating the gag throughout the half-hour show, thus making the viewer also want to gag.

The format is unchanged: the Dudesons do stupid stunts which inflict pain upon themselves. Among the stunts (given the moronic rationale of “astronaut training”) this episode are”

• “space suit test” – while wearing a gas mask and flame-retardant suit, HP runs through the “balls of fire,” huge fiery explosions, while trying to leap hurdles. Obviously, the flames were not the only things being retarded in this episode. 

• “anti-gravity test” – Jukka jumps off a ladder onto a board. The board flies up, smashing him in the face. Uttering a string of bleeped profanity, as he tumbles backward, crashes into the ladder, then collapses to the ground in tears.

• “space underwear” – Wearing a plastic chest protector and tinfoil-wrapped jockstrap, Jarppi fondles himself and thrusts his crotch directly into the camera. He then walks into a hail of plastic balls propelled by a wind machine, bloodying his nose.

• “intergalactic battle wheel”  -- HP is put in a giant tractor tire and rolled into metal road signs.

• “bowel movement test” -- “To be an astronaut, you need to be able to hold your feces inside of you,” explains Jukka. Each member drinks a bottle of laxative, then endeavors to “hold” it for three hours. The viewer is treated to the inspiring sight of each man-boy grimacing in effort, then witnesses their cheers as each in turn yanks down his pants and defecates on the ground, gasping  “oh, what a feeling!” The “winner” Jarppi crows, “I proved I can hold my poop for three hours. And those guys? Poopy pants!” What next – using building blocks? Seeing who can eat the most baby food?

• “shuttle launch” – The final challenge sees Jukka perched atop a truck, which is driven into a barricade, sending him flying into piled cardboard boxes. “My ankle! My back! My ass!” he screams. Ultimately, Jukka is taken by ambulance to the trauma room of a nearby hospital – all for performing a stupid stunt anyone with a functioning brain would know to avoid. When he hears that he has no fractured or broken bones, Jukka and the others cheer.

Seriously: who watches this dreck? Yes, teenagers are known for sometimes acting without thinking or doing things that in retrospect seem dumb or poorly thought through; but what self-respecting teen would want to watch four of their peers make complete idiots of themselves by deliberately inflicting injuries anyone knows are painful and could be life-threatening?

Teens are also known for feeling invincible, thinking that “it won’t happen to me” or that they will not come to harm. To the extent that MTV plays upon and exploits these feelings, the network is responsible for who knows how much poor judgment – and how many injuries -- among teenagers?

The episode concludes with a “Next week” trailer, showing the gang’s antics at an amusement park, including throwing weighted balls directly into each other’s crotches, and vomiting on rides, the vomit explicitly seen pouring from their mouths. And of course, MTV’s perky announcer is on hand to encourage teens to absorb even more of the carnage: “See Jarno get tossed around like a rag doll! Check it out on MTV.com!” 

The only mildly amusing moment in the entire debacle comes when Doug, the team’s rocketry consultant, responds to the constant tired quips about flying to “Uranus,”  by appropriately replying: “I hope you guys are able to fly all the way there. It’ll raise the IQ in both places.”  Indeed, The Dudesons is one show with its head completely up it’s…

For unmitigated idiocy, MTV’s The Dudesons in America is the Worst Cable TV Show of the Week.

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