Glenn Martin, DDS on Nickelodeon

Nickelodeon is the self-proclaimed “place for kids.” Indeed, on the Nick at Nite webpage, ads for Glenn Martin are sandwiched in between those for The Cosby Show and Everybody Hates Chris; and in conceiving the network’s Claymation “comedy,” Nickelodeon President Cyma Zarghami stated that “the hope is that it will bring the right Nickelodeon kids to the show who will then bring their parents.” Ms. Zarghami has boasted that Nickelodeon is “more qualified than ever to wrap our arms around this current generation of kids;” but Glenn Martin, DDS offers an embrace from which most children would flee screaming in terror. After watching the episode shown on Monday, February 22nd (8:00 p.m. ET), a rerun from January 25^th, the average viewer would have to ask: what responsible parent would want his or her kids exposed to the Worst Cable TV Show of the Week?

The episode’s less-than-wholesome plot focused on serial killer Russ Nero’s parole from prison. Glenn Martin fears violent retribution for the botched dental work he performed on Russ, which rotted Russ’ teeth. Naturally, the program was rated TV-PG – which according to the official TV Parental Guidelines, makes it a show “parents may want to watch with their younger children.” Here is a sampling of the content found in Monday night’s episode, “The Tooth Shall Set You Free”:

Glenn performs dental work on Russ, who is sitting in an electric chair about to be executed.

Glenn: “There's a teeny crack in your molar.”

Russ: “Oh, that's from chewing on a baby's bone. Fix ‘em pretty, I need my pearly whites to look perfect for when I meet Jesus in heaven.”

In a flashback, Glenn rushes into the hospital room where his wife Jackie is about to give birth. Jackie bellows, “I hate you! I hate you! Look what you've done to me!” She smashes Glenn's face into her bed and her head twists all the way around, reminiscent of the movie The Exorcist. A long stream of green vomit sprays out of her mouth onto the floor.  Then the bloody placenta flies out from between her legs and lands in Glenn's arms.

Glenn: “Oh my God, he's beautiful!”

Jackie: “That's the placenta.”

Baby Conor shoots out into Glenn's arms, covered in blood.

Glenn’s RV rolls off a pier and into a lake. Russ and Glenn emerge from the water, as does the corpse of Dr. Bernard, which Russ has deceived Glenn into thinking is alive. Police pump dozens of bullets into the floating corpse. A speedboat rips through the corpse, tearing it to pieces, hurling a dismembered hand near Glenn.

In programming Glenn Martin, Ms. Zarghami noted that she had “been hearing from our audience a lot about how parents and kids are wanting to spend more time together.” Apparently, Ms. Zarghami believes that projectile vomiting, dismembered corpses, and afterbirth shot out of a woman’s vagina into her husband’s face are exactly what such families are seeking.

For tasteless, disgusting “humor” and horrific levels of gore, Glenn Martin, DDS is the Worst Cable TV Show of the Week.

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