Glenn Martin, DDS on Nickelodeon

The PTC has previously warned parents about the content of Nickelodeon’s new animated “comedy” Glenn Martin, DDS. Co-created by Eric Fogel, originator of fellow Viacom network MTV’s horrifically gory Celebrity Deathmatch, and former Disney CEO Michael Eisner, Glenn Martin was supposedly created specifically for families; Nickelodeon President Cyma Zarghami  claimed that the program’s object was to attract “Nickelodeon kids to the show, who will then bring their parents.” But Nick’s CEO and the show’s creators have a dangerous idea of what is appropriate for children; and this was never more evident than in the program’s November 30^th episode “Deck The Malls,” shown in the Family Hour of 8:00 p.m. ET. For violence, sex, and explicit themes, Glenn Martin, DDS deserves recognition for being the Worst Cable TV Show of the Week.  

As the peripatetic Martin family arrives to spend the holidays at the Mall of America, father Glenn is disappointed at being treated like a “human ATM machine” by wife Jackie and his children, and forces them to get jobs at the mall. Daughter Courtney and her friend Wendy find work with slimy manager Steve Shapiro, who has created a boy band named Boy Blitz. The girls eventually discover that Boy Blitz members are virtual prisoners, and free them from their shock collars.  But Shapiro has literally “created” the band; in a take-off of a science-fiction movie, Shapiro slices open a huge, womblike pod, revealing a slime-covered naked teenage boy who has grown within. The nude boy falls out, and Shapiro cuts off his umbilical cord. The boy then immediately pops up and begins crooning. Unfortunately, another of the boys is run over by a car, his head graphically crushed with blood spurting out and puddling on the ground. 

Nor do the other members of the family fare well. Dim-witted teenage son Conor falls in with a corrupt mall security officer, who demonstrates his prowess by tackling two shoplifting teenagers and brutally bodyslamming the handcuffed teens. Conor also gets to demonstrate his Christmas gift: night vision goggles “endorsed by real serial killers!” Using the goggles to look at two young women bickering over merchandise, Conor switches the goggles into "Perv Mode," revealing the two women in their bras and panties.

Glenn also encounters trouble. While selling air freshener to a man, Glenn is told, “Last year I was attacked by a bear. I'll take six.” The man then turns, to reveal half of his head gorily mutilated, presumably by the bear attack. Glenn also attempts to chat up a female customer who holds a pair of globes: “Ooh, nice globes! I wouldn't mind giving those a spin,” he leers. When the woman slaps him, Glenn responds, “I was just talking about your boobs.”

But the show (and Nickelodeon) have reserved the greatest excess of tastelessness and inappropriate content for wife Jackie. When Glenn asks her what job skills she has, Jackie replies, “I'm a housewife, a homeschool teacher, a chauffeur, and increasingly rare occasions, a concubine.” In order to prove to Glenn that she can hold down a real job, Jackie uses her body to sell merchandise. “Think, Jackie. What's the common denominator used to sell things?” she asks herself, as the camera zooms in on a poster of a bikini-clad woman applying lipstick; a pair of girls squeezing lemons to make lemonade at a stand, one with her cleavage displayed; another poster showing a bikini model surrounded by the words “Sexy”; and finally, a sign showing the words "Sex Sells." “SEX!” Jackie squeals.

The camera then cuts to Jackie, in a low-cut, mini-skirted dress, swinging her hips and rear as she walks. “Okay, boys…who wants to buy something?” she asks seductively. She is immediately surrounded by a crowd of admiring men. Later, Jackie has workmen install a stripper pole in her kitchenware shop. Jackie straddles the pole and spins around, leaning back and draping her hair on the floor as she grinds her crotch against the pole.  “What a tease!” drools one man.

An outraged Glenn gets Jackie fired by complaining about her sexually-charged sales techniques, then admits to her that he was jealous: “I guess I wish it was just me you were acting inappropriately slutty towards, and not customers, for money.” “Y’know I did get awful worked up selling that stuff,” Jackie smirks in reply.

This past week was exceptional, even for cable, in the high level of dangerous and disgusting content; shows like FX’s Sons of Anarchy and Nip/Tuck were especially graphic. But Glenn Martin, DDS was chosen as Worst Cable TV Show of the Week because it is aimed squarely at families and children.

The episode was rated (by Nickelodeon, since all TV shows are rated by the networks which show them) TV-PG DL. The TV Parental Guidelines define a TV-PG program as one that “parents may want to watch with their younger children,” stating that the episode with the D and L descriptors may contain “suggestive dialogue” and “infrequent coarse language.” Not included in Nickelodeon’s rating were the letters S and V, meaning that according to Nick, this episode apparently contained no “sexual situations” or “moderate violence.”

This is what Viacom’s kid network Nickelodeon considers appropriate family viewing for young children: heads being crushed and bloodily split open; references to serial killers, “pervs,” and “acting slutty;” men ogling women and commenting on their “boobs;” and a scantily-clad mother grinding against a stripper pole in a deliberate use of her own sexuality to make money.

And every cable and satellite customer – no matter how disgusting or disturbing they may find the program – is subsidizing it with their monthly subscription fee. Only by making their voices heard do viewers have a chance to stop this flood of degeneracy further corrupting our children. 

To protest to Nickelodeon about this episode, call or write to:

Cyma Zarghami, President

Nick at Nite
1515 Broadway
New York, N.Y. 10036
(212) 258-7579

To e-mail Nick’s corporate owner Viacom, click here.

To tell Congress you want Cable Choice, click here.

► TAKE ACTION NOW! Click here to voice your support for cable consumer choice.